At YWCA Cambridge, our programming staff at The W spend a lot of their time talking to youth about the “green flags” in relationships. The themes of healthy relationships, consent, bodily autonomy and boundaries, run through all of our in-school and in-centre programming and workshops. Using age-appropriate language, concepts and topics, we support youth as they build self-confidence and awareness, all while engaging in fun games and arts-based activities with their peers.
When it comes to learning, while we often look to clinical research or classroom workshops, sometimes the most profound lessons on consent and healthy dynamics come from the media we consume.
Rachel Reid’s Heated Rivalry—and the enduring saga of Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander—might seem like just a steamy rivals-to-lovers romance that seems to be taking over social media and group chats across the globe (even the Prime Minister and Premiers have referenced it!). But beneath the trash-talking and the Stanley Cup chase lies a masterclass in how relationships can evolve from casual encounters into partnerships built on profound respect.
Before we proceed, a disclaimer: Heated Rivalry is not suitable for all audiences. If you have watched it yourself, you know what we mean. If you have not, be aware that it can be quite sexually explicit and is not advised for young audiences!
Also: spoiler alert! We give away significant plot points in this blog, so only proceed with reading if you’re ok with that.
With that out of the way, here are the top four lessons Heated Rivalry offers about healthy romantic relationships—and really, many of these lessons apply to all kinds of relationships, not only romantic ones.
1. Consent is a Constant Conversation
One of the most powerful aspects of Shane and Ilya’s dynamic is that consent isn’t a one-time “yes” at the start of their decade-long journey. Even as rivals who supposedly “hate” each other, they are meticulously tuned into one another’s boundaries.
The Lesson: Consent isn’t just about the absence of a “no”; it’s about the presence of an enthusiastic, ongoing “yes.” You can be with someone for years and still check in. Asking “Are you okay with this?” or “Do you like this?” isn’t “killing the mood”—it’s building intimacy.
2. Emotional Safety is the Foundation of Physical Intimacy
For Ilya and Shane, the world of professional hockey is a high-pressure, often toxic environment where they have to hide their true selves. Their relationship becomes a “safe zone.”
The Lesson: Healthy relationships provide a sanctuary from the outside world. If a partner makes you feel small, judged, or unsafe, that is a significant red flag. A healthy partner is someone you can be your weirdest, most vulnerable self with, without fear of mockery or retaliation.
3. Respecting Autonomy (Even When It’s Hard)
Both characters have demanding careers and separate lives. Throughout the series, we see them grapple with big decisions—trades, injuries, and “coming out” to the public. What makes them “goals” is that they don’t control each other’s choices.
The Lesson: Love should never be used as a tool for control. Supporting a partner means respecting their right to make their own decisions about their body, their career, and their future. If someone uses “If you loved me, you would…” to get their way, that’s a red flag for emotional manipulation.
4. Communication Trumps “Mind Reading”
Shane and Ilya are famously bad at talking about their feelings early on, which leads to years of unnecessary pining. It is only when they start being honest—dropping the “rival” persona and being real—that their relationship truly flourishes.
The Lesson: We can’t expect our partners to be mind readers. Healthy relationships require the “hard talks” about what we need and where we stand. “Winning” an argument matters less than understanding your partner. Clear communication is the best prevention against misunderstanding and hurt.
Our Perspective:
Media literacy is a vital part of violence prevention. When we analyze the stories we love, we learn to recognize the difference between “drama” and “danger” in our own lives. Ilya and Shane show us that even the most intense “heated rivalry” can turn into a partnership of equals when respect and consent are the teammates in the room.
